This is why we pay attention to those well-done television commercials about Internet dating. We see couples who extol the virtues of the path that they took with online dating. And even though it has been a while since Natalie Cole has had a really big hit on the radio, I can't seem to get her song, This Will Be, out of my mind. Even after that commercial goes off, I find myself humming that song. It is compelling. Any reasonable person starts to think, “Wow, they look happy. I'd like to have that. Heck, I should have that! Yeah, and that song is not too bad either.”



So what do you do? You do like a lot of people. You rush right over to your computer and sign-up for somebody's Internet dating service, questionnaire or not. Good idea. You have to be in it to win it, right? Well, before you let Natalie Cole, Dr. Phil or whoever else convince you to sign-up to go fishing for love on the Net, stop and think. Yes, stop.

My first principle for effective online dating is for you to Know. You have to know what it is you are looking for in an ideal mate before you get started. I said ideal, not perfect. Whoever packed their suitcase heading to the airport without knowing where they were going? It rarely happens. Why? Because they don't want to get to the airport and decide that they want to go to Scandinavia only to be shocked and disappointed that they packed shorts and a swimsuit as if they were going to Tahiti. Oh, by the way, it is December. Similarly, you don't want to be stuck with someone who isn't close to what you desire.

To make sure you are going to meet the right person, you need to think about two things:

1. What are your Non-Negotiables? I'm talking about things that are absolutely critical. Only you know what these are. People aren't terribly different, so there are items that would normally fall on anyone's list. Here are a few examples: common faith, desire for children, wants to marry at some point and being respectful in the relationship. The list should not be very long. A group of three to five items is a fair amount. These are the things that you are prepared to end the relationship over if even one of these items isn't met. This is why the list shouldn't be too long.

2. What are the Important, though not non-negotiable, character traits you want to see in a person? Remember, there is room for comprise with this list. In spite of the flexibility, don't mistake this category to be trivial. This list is very important as well. These attributes really help to flesh out a more complete picture of this potential mate. Here are a few examples: has a sense of humor, physically active, likes to travel, generous, balanced communicator and shared political views.

Again, you know the items that matter for you. Five to seven is a good list length. A slightly longer list is fine here because you are more likely to make trade-offs.

What will help a great deal is if you write down these items. This will help you to develop a tangible sense of commitment about what you have in mind. Trust me, without establishing up front what you want, and thus what you don't want, you are more likely to make decisions that you will regret later. This will result in wasting a lot of valuable time.

So before you dive into online dating, know what it is you are looking for. It will be the best investment you can make.