Remarriage and the creation of a step family are huge undertakings. They are not to be taken lightly. Allowing yourself the time to make these decisions wisely is very important. As you continue to think through whether remarriage is a good option for you, let's focus on another way to know you are NOT ready to remarry.

If your main motivation for remarriage at this time is because you want to beat your ex-spouse to the altar, you are NOT ready. A remarriage should be about you and your new partner. It should have nothing to do with your ex-spouse. Let's take a look at the main reasons why this is such a poor choice for this life altering decision:

1. It's usually based on a rushed courtship

If your main concern is making sure you get married before your ex-spouse, your decision to remarry is based on his/her time schedule rather than that of the relationship you are in. You aren't taking time to make sure your new partner is a good match for you and your children.

Without this valuable time, you don't have the opportunity to adequately prepare your children for this major change in their lives as well. This creates the possibility for marriage difficulties because your step family isn't off to a good start.

2. You are obviously still connected emotionally to your ex-spouse

You're in a race to outdo your ex-spouse. This doesn't bode well for proving you've moved passed your previous marriage. Isn't it more than just a little hypocritical if your main desire for remarriage is to prove to your ex that you are over them?

Being this concerned about your ex-spouse doesn't really allow you to fully commit and give yourself to your new spouse. If you are constantly thinking about how to get even with your ex-spouse, how far are you being to your new spouse? In your effort to try to hurt your ex-spouse, you end up hurting your new spouse because in actuality you are just using them.

3. You will wind up hurting your kids the most

Your children have already gone through the struggle of one divorce. If you rush into a new marriage when you aren't ready, you're three times more likely to wind up divorced again. Typically, someone who chooses this motivation for remarriage has been involved in a highly conflictual divorce. This conflict hurts kids enough as it is. Bringing someone else into the mix too soon, is really hard on your children.

Seeing parents fight is extremely stressful. When you continue to pick fights with your ex-spouse, you are choosing to continue putting your children through this hurtful cycle. While it's understandable why you might consider this as a reason for remarriage while angry, it's a reason you need to let go of quickly. It puts everyone at risk.