We rush out and buy the magazine or the book or the program and give it the laser-focused attention we create when we're wishing the promise is true!

I used to love the feeling of hope that flooded my body right around this point. It usually lasted for about three days before the little whisper of 'just have a little bit of [your favourite food], it won't hurt' became so loud and insistent that I couldn't stop myself.

Only of course, the little bit breached the crack in my discipline and I gradually (sometimes in a flash!) returned to my normal eating habits. Of course I was swathed in guilt and self-criticism for being so weak, again, and wearing the colours of failure all over myself!

I must have gone through that cycle about 20 or more times, I'm too embarrassed to count up how many times, to be honest. I know that amongst my friends it was the normal pattern: hope, real effort, and a crash after just a few days or weeks; only to do it all again a couple of months later. Why do we do it?

1. Everyone does it, don't they? It's become usual behaviour for women in our culture, but I truly believe it's not 'normal'.

2. We think we must change our body to something smaller, less bulgy-in-all-the-wrong places. If we don't change, then we criticise ourselves in the harshest way, and accept criticism from others, for having no self-discipline. Doing the latest diet is a way to tell yourself, and others, that at least you're making an effort.

3. We are so used to seeing thin beautiful women perfectly presented, that we think that's how women are supposed to look. Actually, we know only about 1% of the women on the planet look like that (and even they are Photoshopped to the current ever-changing ideal of perfect beauty). We just want to feel like we're one of them, successful, desirable, probably wealthy, and happy.

So what we're actually trying to change is the way we feel about ourselves. Admitting that the real change we need to make to feel happier must come from within ourselves, is difficult if not impossible.

It's much easier to grab at hope presented in a diet. Or are we really just trying to distract ourselves from what we really need to be looking at and doing to get over ourselves, and get on with making our lives happy and healthy?

One day something in me changed. It just felt wrong to be constantly battling my body, measuring my self worth against a clothing label or a number on the scales. It felt to me like there was a huge chasm of something ugly between what I knew was possible for me in my life, and the pressure to keep fighting my body into 'shape'. On that day I decided to not weigh myself anymore, wear what actually fitted my body regardless of the number on the label, and try to find some peace with the decision.

Ah, you're saying, she gave up, lazy cow. Gave up what? Eating ridiculous 'foods' filled with substances that have no calories, possibly toxic substances, and very limited nutritional value; constantly criticizing myself; obsessing over every morsel of anything that crossed my lips even to the extent of writing everything down; deciding my worth and my mood for the day based on the number on the scales? That is not living, that is unhealthy on every level.

What I didn't give up were the practices that are actually good for health: nutritious foods eaten regularly, and going for a hilly walk a few times a week, plus choosing to add more movement into my life just because my body likes to do it.

Kaz Cook in her 1996 book "Real Gorgeous", quoted Dr Peter Clark from the Eating Disorders Centre in Sydney Australia, who said he believed almost every woman has an eating disorder. In 2009, do you think he'd still be right?

Looking back over my dieting years, I think I did have disordered eating, and with the same eyes I can see that most of my female circle did as well - and most of them still do! Nothing has changed for most of them, except they're probably more unhappy, more unhealthy and their bodies are larger than they were 12 years ago. I know I'm still working on happiness, every day.

Try this: Think of one thing about yourself that you like. Now I'm not talking about the shape of your knee or the curl of your eyelashes. I'm talking about, say, your ability to make a new person feel at ease in a minute, or how you notice that a child is struggling with something when no one else does, or how you always remember people's birthdays. Something you do or a way you are. And just for today, every time you notice yourself saying something awful about your body, add on: and [I'm so kind to new people]. That will start to introduce a new energy into your being, and start to pave the way for greater self-acceptance. As one of my clients said recently: I do not make the demeaning comments to myself anymore......and funnily enough, I am not eating as much anymore either! This is no less than freedom. Freedom to be who I am, proudly, without judgement......the weight just takes care of itself!