As researched by the American Counseling Association, the most common theme in all failed marriages is breakdown in communication. As Americans, we love to communicate, despite that fact, our communication is failing with the most significant person in our life. As a result, our country's divorce rate is holdings to 50%. This rate increases if you are in your second or third marriage.



The start of the lack of communication between spouses is usually not talking about the small things, letting the frustration and anger build up, resulting in larger issues. Smaller issues are much easier to work out than larger ones.

The key to having a healthy relationship is using communication to resolve issues and work out problems. Here are some keys to building communication with your partner:

1. Truly listen to one another. Stay quiet and focused on what the other person is saying.

2. Not only listen to the actual words, but the underlying feeling and emotions as well.

3. Try to understand from another perspective, try to understand the other side of the argument. This doesn't mean you necessarily have to agree.

4. Let the other person know you are listening by rephrasing what they have told you and to ensure clear understanding.

5. when you let your partner know you are not only listening to their words, but feelings as well, you will validate their emotions.

6. Show your sincerity by making yourself aware of nonverbal messages you may be sending your partner. Facial expressions and tone of voice are tell tale signs.

7. Tell the other person how you are feeling and what they are doing wrong, by using I statements.

8. Let the person know you would like to discuss things ahead of time. This will make it seem less like an attack, and let them get their thoughts together.

9. Set aside the time to talk, when you will be free from distractions of life or interruptions, such as kids.

10. Try to stay on topics, by keeping your discussion on the topic at hand.

Utilizing these tips will help you and your spouse to communicate more effectively, and just may save your marriage. Avoid rehashing the past, keep your discussions in the present moment. This will allow you to focus on solutions that you can work toward together.

As thousands have discovered, the Light Your Fire Program is an effective tool in avoiding marital counseling. As seen on Oprah, as well as The View.