If your life has become traumatized, you must be going through a divorce. It feels upside down. Your memories of the wedding day no longer fit. You might have feelings of vulnerability or of wanting to punish your ex. Your emotions might weaken you while you have to go through the divorce process.
If you feel weakened, you could fall prey to the dirty divorce tricks syndrome used by some attorneys at the behest of their clients who might also feel vindictive. And you could think that dirty divorce tricks is okay to use yourself. I don't think so. Dirty pool has a way of hitting you where you are weakest.
You need a good attorney yourself. When you are emotionally bruised, you become subjective and won't be able to see what's being served up to you due to lack of objectivity. You need a support team on your side who can remain objective and serve your best interests and more importantly, serve the interest of your children. So hire a good divorce attorney who has a good reputation for fairness and good standing for his clients.
There are many articles in circulation that will tell you what those tricks are. Please go find and read those articles on the internet and inform yourself of some of the things that could happen. This article is not about that. This article is about your vulnerability and becoming stronger for yourself and your children.
When you are vulnerable and under emotional duress, your ex may try to take advantage of you. You will need a strong support team. I don't mean a girlfriend who agrees with you. I mean someone who can mentor you through these very weakened times and who will protect your interests. It's in your best interest to have as your support person someone who's lived more years than you, who cares about you, and who can show you an objective manner of viewing things so you don't step on the land mines.
There are things that you deserve according to the law. Your divorce attorney will know what they are. Do a bit of internet research so you are armed with the facts of what your rights are. You are just one of your attorney's many clients and he or she may just forget a few details from case to case. They might miss a detail. If you know what those details about your entitlements are, you can ask your attorney "What about this?" as a reminder to be sure nothing that you deserve by law is missed. Being informed is being armed.
When you have court documents that specify what the agreements are to be, stick with them. You definitely suffer from vulnerability if you believe your ex who offers you sweet deals that are not down on paper. " If he's willing to do x, let him put it into the court documents. Stick with the court decree.
If you have a tendency toward naïveté, work to correct this. The only way to not be naïve is to be informed. Learn all you can about the subject at hand. Consult with your Divorce attorney. Don't agree to anything with your ex without this consult, particularly if you're naïve. You need the assistance of your divorce attorney's protection until you grow stronger yourself. If you've suffered emotional trauma that has left you feeling vulnerable and vindictive - and you now feel as if resorting to dirty divorce tricks is justified - you will need a strong skill set, a lot of knowledge, professional support but mainly, internal courage to face your ex down and get what you deserve by law. Don't become a divorce horror story statistic.
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In the 1980s I was a member of an active writing circle. We were discussing that old chestnut, 'how to write', and one member proudly said that he couldn't be bothered with these new-fangled word processors that were just about starting to appear in offices and homes. No, he said, he had an electric typewriter. That was good enough for him. It did all he wanted to do and produced submittable copy. He had got used to it, it suited him and he was happy to stick with it. Other, more modern members, saw the benefits of computer technology and were anxious to talk about which machine to buy, value for money, and suppliers. It provoked a lively debate. That is, until one member pointedly said: 'Shakespeare used a quill pen. That was good enough for him. If we aspire to wanting to write as well as the Old Bard, why don't we copy his methods?'
Well, we don't, most of us. If you've seen that film, 'Shakespeare in Love', you will know that writing with a quill is awkward and messy. It's a skill that has to be learned from an early age, and not something to be dabbled with. Yes, England's greatest playwright used that method, but then, he didn't have a lot of choice. In one way he was very modern: he could write. A generation before, the only people in the country who could use a pen at all would have been the landed gentry and monks. Shakespeare was very lucky in having received an education, of sorts, and so could put pen to paper. The only alternative, then and earlier, would have been for him to make the stuff up and dictate it to someone who had the literary skills to record it. Even earlier, poets simply memorised what they created. We call them Troubadours, and imagine that that was a romantic age, forgetting the damn hard work that committing words to memory involves, (and the problems of trying to recall the words later ' think Bob Dylan).
The answer, of course, is that writers have used all manner and means of 'writing' through the ages. That best-selling novelist Jeffrey Archer is very proud of the fact that he drafts all his works by hand, then gives them to a selection of secretaries to put on word processor, then works with an Editor at his publisher to buff up the draft and turn it into saleable copy. One of the most prolific authors of modern times, the creator of Perry Mason, Earle Stanley Gardener, never wrote a single word down in his life. He spoke every paragraph of all his novels into a Dictaphone and then again, paid a secretary to take the tapes and type them up for him. The best-selling romantic novelist Barbara Cartland used to lie in luxury on silk covered sofas and was accustomed to speaking her words into the scented air in front of her. A secretary was sitting behind her, out of sight, taking down the prose in shorthand. Ho hum, a rich variety. Take your pick.
In modern times, we have moved on, (or so we pretend). However, be warned: a computer, or dedicated word processor, is no longer the height of sophistication and the way of the future. It all depends, you see, on where the words are going, I mean, who you are planning to send them to. The problem for modern authors is that most of them still assume they have to deal with very old-fashioned Traditional Publishers. These business people haven't moved on since the 1930s. They still expect writers to send them printed copy, probably a sample chapter and a synopsis if you are a novelist. From the point of view of this kind of publisher, it doesn't matter what manner or means were used to produce that copy, it's all good. Dictaphone, secretaries, computer or even electric typewriter, it all comes out as black print on white paper, and as long as it's double spaced and single sided, it meets their requirements ' well, as least as far as submission rules are concerned. There is still no guarantee that your neatly printed proposal will be accepted, or even looked at. It rather depends on who you are.
Meanwhile, back in the present, the twenty first century, Internet Authors are finding the whole process has grown increasingly irrelevant. Since they don't have to ever print out anything, and can move their computer files directly to a print-on-demand publisher like Lulu.com on-line, there is no question of doing anything else. They sit down on their home computers, create the stories and novels, and upload them electronically. The only time the words are ever printed out is when the final publication is produced and the book is mailed to your home. In that all-encompassing process, there is no need for any middlemen, even if they are attractive secretaries, and no need for other methods ' apart from the keyboard. Some time soon that may go as well, in which case Voice Recognition software will remove another stage in the process. Then, all you do is talk to your computer, and after some juggling around on the computer screen, a book will arrive on your doormat.
The production process, therefore, has become meaningless to the Internet Author. The only step you have to take is to get the ideas out of your head and onto a computer screen. Everything else follows. Of course, that doesn't guarantee quality. Back to the 1980s, and one Traditional Publisher complained that 'young men' had read about the success of Jeffrey Archer in their magazines and seen pictures of him sitting with his secretaries in front of a word processor. 'I've got one of those', they said to themselves, 'It doesn't look so hard', and they would sit down and try and churn out a 'best seller', just like Jeffrey did. They failed. After several attempts, they might have had to admit that they weren't the 'born story teller' that Lord Archer always claims to be. Maybe that's a good thing. Computers and the internet make writing and publishing easier, which means, as time goes on, it will also be easier to find the good writers, the imaginative authors, and the ones with something to say. Others may drop by the wayside, but it will be because they are unreadable, it won't be because the technology has diverted them into thinking that having a quill pen in your hand can make you an immortal poet.
Both Len Stauffenger & Mike Scantlebury are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Len Stauffenger has sinced written about articles on various topics from Bathroom Home Improvement, After Divorce and Health. In his book "Getting Over It: Wisdom for Divorced Parents," Len Stauffenger shares his simple wisdom gleaned from his divorce with his daughters and with you. Len is a Success Coach and an Attorney. You can purchase Len's book and it's accompanying workbo. Len Stauffenger's top article generates over 110000 views. Bookmark Len Stauffenger to your Favourites.
Mike Scantlebury has sinced written about articles on various topics from Internet Marketing, Writing and After Divorce. Mike Scantlebury is an active Internet Author, with poems, books, songs and stories to his credit. He also writes Self-Help articles and teaches, both live and on local radio. Based in Manchester, England, he broadcasts to the world through the magic of t. Mike Scantlebury's top article generates over 27100 views. Bookmark Mike Scantlebury to your Favourites.
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