It's normal to react to the diagnosis of your child's disability or chronic illness with grief, shock, anger, fear, denial, guilt, or anxiety. Your response will depend on your personality, support system, the condition your child has and its severity, the treatment it requires, and the demands and limitations the condition places on your family. You may grieve over losing your dream of a healthy child. You may worry about whether you will be able to afford all the treatments-therapy sessions, special equipment, and special schooling-your child needs. You may feel angry about having to give up your own dreams of buying a home or taking a vacation. The requirements of your special-needs child may prevent you from providing opportunities to your other children.
Eventually you will come to terms with your child's diagnosis and acknowledge the implications of his or her condition, even though it may always be difficult to accept. From time to time, you will probably feel sad that your child can't do all the things that other children can. Again, these feelings are normal.
It's essential to try and balance your child's needs with the needs of each family member. The following suggestions can help minimize the stresses and strains involved in coping with a chronic illness or disability:
? Take care of your own needs. When you feel you need a break, find a babysitter and go to a movie or out to dinner.
? Nurture your relationship with your partner.
? Don't focus attention solely on the child with special needs. Enjoying activities with your other children will draw all of you together as a family.
? Try to fit your child's treatment regimen into family routines.
? Work closely with the professionals who care for your child.
? Talk about your feelings and encourage other family members to do the same.
? Be flexible in setting rules and defining expectations within the family.
? Find a few good people you can count on to share the day-to-day care of your child; involve extended family members and close friends.
? Be realistic about your child's situation and capabilities but encourage him or her to achieve goals to the best of his or her ability.
? Make realistic plans for your child's future.
? Share experiences with other parents who have children with similar conditions.
? Get counseling when you need it. It's normal to feel sad and frustrated once in a while, but if you are persistently feeling despondent and helpless, you need to get help. Ask your child's doctor, a social service agency, or a local medical center for the name of a professional who can help you.
Siblings of a child with special needs often experience the same feelings that parents do-grief, guilt, anger, and resentment. They may feel guilty that they somehow caused the disability or feel jealous and resentful of the attention given to the child. Many siblings who love and care for their brother or sister
Caring For A Child With
It can be extremely difficult for the entire family to raise a child with ADHD. But learning specific parenting skills in relation to ADHD is extremely important for the health of the child as well as the relationship between child and parent. One thing that would be really useful for parents is to join a support group that is both educational and socially supportive. Here is where parents will learn how to deal with their special children and become effective parents.
One very important thing a parent needs to do is set clear goals for themselves and their children. After these goals are set, it is crucial to be as consistent as possible. Many times, if the child is old enough, you should include them in the goal setting process and allow them to help set the rules. This will tend to force the child to follow the rules better.
Keep in mind that a parent's relationship with their child is essential in any family, but it is doubly important with ADHD children. For a relationship to work, you need both time and a willingness to listen. Spend at least fifteen minutes to half an hour a day with your child. Ask him or her about their day. Have a conversation or eat dinner with them. Simple things like this are the most important in keeping good connections with your child. By keeping these good connections with your child, you will be better able to see when to intervene if a problem should arise.
Even though it may seem like an ADHD child has more bad behaviors than good, emphasize the good ones as much as possible. The more you emphasize the good behaviors your child does, the better their self-concept will be. It is so easy for a parent to cause a bad self esteem in their ADHD child, so this should be foremost on your mind in order to avoid this potential hazard.
When your child has misbehaved, try to stay as calm as you possibly can. The more out of control you act, the less seriously discipline is taken. Make sure when rules are broken that there are very clear consequences and that they are delivered in an unemotional manner. Yelling at a child with ADHD is extremely destructive.
Give your child choices for what they can do. Do not tell them exactly what they will eat, wear and do. The more choices they have, the more independent they will become as time goes on.
Make sure that the relationship behaviors modeled between parents are good ones. Children watch what you do, and they will imitate what they see later on in life. Make sure your behaviors are positive ones.
It is important that parents have time for themselves, or it is only natural that you will become stressed out. This is especially true for mothers who always feel they need to give 100% of themselves at all times. Even as a mother, you are an individual and need to take care of yourself as well.
Remember to be strict but kind. It is good to be firm, but being overly firm is not good either. Make sure your children know the difference. It is not good to be overly passive either.
Both Jesse Walters & Keith Londrie are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
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