Not everyone is as manipulative as some, but we all seem to have some tendencies towards manipulation, on a sliding scale per se, as the circumstances suit us. When we find that compatible match and we are in a romantic relationship with someone, many times the walls start to come down as we begin to get to know each other better and then our true colors come into play; this is not always for the best situation; however, any conflict can become a learning experience if we allow it to be one. Of course, manipulation does not even have to wait until we are further along in our dating relationship when we are more comfortable with someone. Manipulation can even occur on a first date. So, what's so bad about manipulation anyway and how can we avoid it and learn to coexist in a mature dating relationship with our compatible match?



According to Webster's, manipulate means “to manage artfully or shrewdly, often in an unfair way; and to alter (figures etc.) for one's own purposes.” That doesn't sound too nice, but we oftentimes do exhibit this behavior in our relationships, even if we are dating someone who we deem to be a compatible match. The key here is that manipulation is done in “an unfair way…for one's own purposes.” That's the gist of the issue. When we manipulate our partner, we have our own gain in mind and don't have our partner as the number one priority in our lives. If we want to maintain a mature dating relationship with our compatible partner, then we need to get our priorities straight and put our partner's needs above our own; that means we should never stoop to manipulation.

That being said, we need to figure out how to coexist with our compatible match in a mature dating relationship, because the trap of manipulation is so easy to fall prey to. For example, when some women want their way, they pout and whine and throw a tantrum and try to manipulate the situation so that their partner will change his mind and give them their way. This is manipulation. Some men resort to manipulation when they are tired of hearing their partner's point of view and they give their women the silent treatment. This silent treatment burns up most women because generally speaking, women like to talk through their problems in the relationship and when their men don't want to talk it is a form of frustration and manipulation. Manipulation is never used for good purposes because there are always selfish motives behind the behaviors.

Coexisting with your compatible match in a mature dating relationship is all about honesty and being genuine and working together toward a common goal of finding a love together and having joy as a couple. If one partner is always trying to manipulate the situations that arise in the relationship, it is very important for the other partner to recognize this behavior and bring this up in a serious discussion. Most of the time, even if you have found a compatible match with a great personality, the partner that is guilty of the manipulation will not usually own up to that behavior and will just try to manipulate the situation more. If that is the case, you just need to keep walking in unconditional live, yet being strong to confront your partner when that manipulative behavior comes into play again. Hopefully, after repeated conversations on the subject, your partner will realize he or she has a problem and you can move forward as a compatible match in a manipulation free relationship. However, if the situation does not change then maybe your partner was not such a compatible match for you because manipulation in a relationship is not healthy, and maybe you need to end the relationship and move on to a healthier one.