Staying Together

Couples married for 15 years suddenly realize that their physical desire for each other wanes. They are caught up with the demands of daily responsibilities. Work, kids, bills, and sometimes the in-laws can cause trouble. Men try to recapture the feeling, alas, with other partners, halting the marriage to a painful stop. Women nag their husbands to take them out or pay attention to them, but it's all useless.

Some couples spend a night once a week just to find each other again. They go to the same places they have gone to, the restaurant where they had their first date, spend time with the same friends, and do all the same things they have done years ago. Sadly, these do not work out fine.

Staying married and saving a relationship do not demand that you do the same things over and over again. Trying to relive the magic, in the same background, is no longer a sure-fire way to rekindle romance. The same sad feeling is there when you wake up in the morning.

But there is hope for couples who genuinely want to stay together. Studies have shown that couples who share new activities and adventures are more likely to stay in love longer than couples who do not do things together or share new interests.

The Multi-Purpose Approach

While you're struggling to keep the embers glowing, you can always find a way to fan dormant feelings. Uncork champagne when you're together watching your favorite TV series, or uncap a bottle of your partner's favorite beer, cut heart-shaped cards and write sexy messages on them, or even just tighten a loose screw on her or his CD player. That's the way to keep mundane things perky.

Notice how divorced couples behave. They do new things with new partners. If they are not into a relationship, they try newfangled tricks to keep their adrenalin rushing. They find new things to do, new friends, and start new hobbies. It is an interesting world out there for them, after staying in a rut for years.

Take this cue; talk your partner to try new things with you. You can be outrageous for the fun of it. Together, sign up for ballroom dancing lessons, an art class, or learn how to go into business together. Meet new friends and along the way, pick up new ideas you can try. If you haven't gone to concerts, go out and dance.

Trying to stay together need not be dull, heroic, or schmaltzy. Have fun and everything will fall in their proper places. You'll be astounded at the transformation in your partner and in yourself. You'll have more engaging discussions, which is a key ingredient in any happy marriage or relationship. Soon enough, you'll find each other more interesting and attractive.

Recapturing the old magic is easy when you honestly agree to do more things together than just spending time watching Monday night football and worrying about kids, bills, and work. Life is short, so let your love live to the fullest. Keep love's flame burning bright until wrinkles and gray hair take up space.