It is important to know that when you want to get a divorce, you and your spouse are in control of the situation and the proceedings. One of the main things about finding out about how to get a divorce is that not all divorces have to end up with a battle in the courtroom. However, a final divorce decree does have to be sanctioned by the court. There are different divorce laws in different places, which you need to be aware of. The best advice is to make sure that you contact a lawyer that deals with divorces so that you have the best representation. The length of time it takes for your divorce to go through depends to a large extent on the court docket and how crowded it is.
No matter how much a hurry you might be in to get divorced, there are certain stages that you must follow in order for the divorce to be legal. The first thing you must consider is the jurisdiction, which is where the hearing for the divorce will be held. In some places, those filing for a divorce must be residents of that state or province for at least 6 months prior to filing for a divorce.
The process of getting a divorce starts with serving the summons and petition for divorce. In some locations this is called a petition for legal separation, as the couple may have to be legally separated for a period of time before one of them initiates divorce proceedings. The difference between the two is that in a legal separation, the couple is still married. The summons is a document that specifies that one of the spouses is petitioning the court to have the marriage dissolved. There are two parts to the petition. The first part identifies the people involved, whether they have any children and identifies the property or assets that they own. The second part states the manner in which the property is to be divided, the custody of the children and if there are to be any alimony or child support payments.
In an amicable divorce, the spouses may have already agreed to these conditions informally and if so then the divorce will not be contested. The spouse that is being served with the divorce has thirty days in which to respond to the summons and petition by either agreeing to the facts -presented or asking for a different settlement. not answer the summons, then the spouse filing for divorce can seek to have the divorce made legal by default.
A spouse that opposes some of the facts presented in the petition may request a hearing in the hope of resolving some of the issues. These could deal with temporary child custody, temporary support payments seeking protection against abuse or harassment or the division of the assets. The temporary hearing does not usually affect the outcome but does provide some relief to both parties during the waiting period.
Most courts want the couple to mediate their disputes before the divorce goes to court a qualified counselor /mediator will work with the couple to help them try to resolve their disputes so that a settlement can be reached. If this is not possible, then the court will review all the paperwork submitted and interview anyone involved in the case in an effort to reach the right decision. The divorce will still be granted, but the court will decide custody and division of assets.
How To Get Divorced
As a divorce coach, I'm accustomed to the emotional upheaval a person going through divorce feels. But recently I've tuned in to the "collateral damage" caused by a divorce--the impact of divorce on friends. Insecurity, grief, resentment, and anger are common reactions as friends are forced to regroup and rebuild relationships with the now uncoupled individuals.
If a couple experiences divorce as an earthquake, the effect on their friends is the aftershock. Here's how one woman described the anguish of her friends' divorce: "I try to support my friend, but sometimes I feel like I need help, too. How could she do this to me?!"
Questioning Their Marriage
Divorce of a close friend breeds insecurity. It's often expressed this way: "It seems as if good, solid marriages are all coming apart." I think, "If Mary and Jim are divorcing (and they had a great marriage!), what about my marriage, with its bumps and wrinkles?" I feel fragile. I wonder "Is my marriage in jeopardy?"
Mourning the Death of a Marriage
It's common for friends of a divorcing couple to experience grief as they mourn the death of this friendship. This is especially true if the marriage and friendship are long-term and their friends relate to them as a couple: bobandmary, johnandvivian. Friends of the divorced couple often resist and resent the change: They think, "What about all the good times we had together? If they would just have counseling, maybe they could stay together and our friendship could continue as it is."
Renegotiating Friendships
Establishing new relationships with the couple as individuals--john AND mary--is tricky. Sometimes, the divorcing couple divide up their friendships--or the friends choose sides--either way, one of the friends slips from their life. Even trickier is trying to remain friends with both people. Friends wonder, "Invite John or Vivian to the birthday party? Should I Invite them both and just let them sort it out?"
Adjusting to "Step friends"
And then there is the problem of "step friends," the ex-husband's or the ex-wife's new significant other. Sometimes, there's outright dislike (He left Mary for her?). It's awkward because there's no shared history: He doesn't remember the great New Year's party; he didn't participate in the annual camping trip, and he doesn't know mutual friends. She's not in any of the old photos.
Maybe the step friend is measured against the former spouse and comes up short: This one has no sense of humor, drinks too much, laughs too much! Or the step friend is simply resented for taking your place - of their old friend.
Both Warren Wong & Judith Smith are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Judith Smith has sinced written about articles on various topics from Divorce and Infidelity. Judy Smith, M.S. RCC is the Director of the Center for Planned Change. She has developed a distinctive, action-oriented program to help divorced women over 50 create the life they want and deserve. Contact Judy at. Judith Smith's top article generates over 8100 views. Bookmark Judith Smith to your Favourites.
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