A woman may not even realize that her man is, and has been, communicating to her, but she hasn't been hearing him.
When men communicate, they do it the way they are primarily made up, and that is logically.
When women communicate, they do it the way they are primarily made up, and that is emotionally.
And as I have said before, one is not better than the other, they are just different.
Since he is logical, he is going to be solution oriented. So, what he is trying to communicate to you must pass through his mind. In other words, he must think it through first. And this process usually takes some time.
But if you don't understand this about men, a man's way of communicating may become frustrating to you. Plus, you could end up pushing him to communicate like you do.
For example, since you are a talker you want him to be a talker, too. So, since he is not communicating to you like you think he should; by talking, you write him off as being insensitive or uncaring. And you figure that, if he is so insensitive and uncaring to your needs, you are better off either by yourself or with someone else.
And, because you did not invest the energy and time to get the right knowledge, you simply jump out of one relationship and into another, only to find yourself in the same predicament again.
But before you jump ship try applying these 5 keys to getting your man talking? to you:
1. Don't ask you're man what he is feeling, ask him what he is thinking
When trying to get your man (or any man for that matter) to communicate to you, don't ask him 'what he is feeling'. Instead ask him what he is thinking. Feeling is an emotion that does not compute with him. (Note: I did not say he doesn't have feelings.)
It's just when communicating a man must process what you are saying through his mind (his logical side), and you are trying to get him to talk through his feelings or his emotional side. When this happens, a man will most likely clam up, short circuit, and decide to not say anything.
Or, he will do like most men do, either he will get angry and walk away or get angry and attack.
But it is imperative that you do not come to any conclusion about what he is feeling until you find out what he is thinking.
2. Give him the space and time he needs to think his thoughts through.
A man needs time to get his thoughts together. This could take a little while or a long while. How long this may take really depends on your man. But a good way for you to give him the space and time he needs to get his thoughts together is to ask him when he thinks it will be a good time for you two to get together and talk.
Notice I said, when ?he thinks'. If your man feels like you are trying to control or push the idea on him, it will cause him to back away from the idea.
3. Set a time and date
Set a time and date for the ?talk'. Setting a time and date is important to a man because it appeals to his logical side. But don't set a time and date too far into the future because anything after a few days, most men will simply forget or put it out of their minds.
4. Set boundaries Before the ?talk' even begins set boundaries which you both agree can't be crossed. For example, start off by agreeing that there will be no yelling, no name calling, and no finger pointing. And, there will be no use of words like ?never' and ?always'. In other words, you wouldn't want to say things like, "You never listen to me", "You always wait for me to pick up after you" or "You always do that".
5. Write down your questions and concerns
If your man continues to put off the ?talk' then write down your questions and concerns and ask him to read over them at a time that is convenient to him. This is good because even though he knows the ?talk' is important to you he also feels comfort in knowing that you are not pushing it on him. Which makes him feel like he is still in control. And also gives him time to process (think about) your concerns as he goes through his day.
Plus, as an added bonus, by you writing out your concerns and organizing your thoughts, you are learning different and better ways of communicating.
Remember, that is what this is all about, you being in control of you. You can't control other people but you can control you. And the more you learn what it takes to be a better you, the wiser you become. And as your wisdom increases so does your value ? to the point where you become priceless.
How To Get Your Man
We're all aware that men require a degree of changing once you marry them. In fact, there is a scale of changeability and depending on where the male comes on that scale, depends on whether or not we accept the proposal in the first place. Marks out of ten decide whether or not there is a possibility of improvement. A ten is a good score and there is a high chance that the male will be mouldable and house trainable. A one is a steer clear unless you really think a long term relationship with all those annoying habits is feasible.
You may be flattered that he pays attention to personal grooming before he takes you on a date but will you be as happy five years down the line when you are picking up his toenails from the side of the bath every Sunday?
You may see it as your wifely duty to want to look after him and if the poor baby can't remember to pick up his dirty socks from the floor, or the towels off the bed then you will be happy to assist. Believe me, this attitude won't last and you will begin to feel like his skivvy.
And what about that smoking habit? Easy to put up with when you don't live with him but what about once you're embroiled in wedded bliss and you find all your clothes smell of cigarettes all the time. That your home that once smelt of fragrant cleaning products still smells of stale cigarettes even after a day's scrubbing.
If you want your partner to stop smoking after so many years of being with him you may find this much more difficult. He has got comfortable with you and your attempts to get him to stop smoking will be seen as a red rag after his mates have warned him that you will try to change him. Even if he wanted to stop smoking, he would want to rebel against you but persist you must.
Research has proved that constant questioning or orders leaves us open to persuasion which means that given long enough, your nagging will force your partner to stop smoking, put that shelf up and pick up his own socks and toenails. He really will be too mentally exhausted to protest.
Other tips to get your partner to stop smoking or, in fact, making any of the necessary changes, include not hesitating when putting in your order. This shows weakness and is a sign of a asking rather than telling. And we all know what simple creatures men are. They respond much better to a direct statement rather than something that they have to make a decision on.
You may have started off this relationship cursing his mother for doing too much for him but when you need changes to be made and a simple, subliminal message suffices, you will be glad he is unable to make his own decisions and is used to a woman doing it all for him.
If you have kids, take a tip from them. My daughter advised her brother that if he wanted anything that he was unsure I would agree to, he would be better off to ask me while I was on the phone. This was a revelation to me and I thought back to all the things she had wheedled permission for while I was mentally unavailable.
If your partner comes back from a hard day at work or is mentally engaged in something else, now would be a good time to make suggestions about how he should stop smoking. Don't give choices or ultimatums. This will make you look weak and will tell him you are not serious. And never hesitate. State clearly what you expect and persist in the same line of conversation without let up. Eventually, you will wear him down and he will become a ten out of ten. You can give him these scores as a reward but don't tell him what they are for. He will probably decide for himself what you have scored him on and there is no need to shatter his illusion.
Both Gil Bryan & Catherine Harvey are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Gil Bryan has sinced written about articles on various topics from Flirting Tips, Family. The secret of men has been revealed! Why are some women great at finding and keeping a good man while other women are not? Get Gil Bryan’s, "9 Spiritual Laws To Attract And Keep The Man Of Your Dreams!". Gil Bryan's top article generates over 9900 views. Bookmark Gil Bryan to your Favourites.
Catherine Harvey has sinced written about articles on various topics from Culture and Society, Home and Wedding Gowns. Relationship expert Catherine Harvey looks at the old art form of nagging to get your partner to stop smoking among other things.. Catherine Harvey's top article generates over 1500000 views. Bookmark Catherine Harvey to your Favourites.
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