There is an old Hollywood movie starring Charles Bronson as a buffalo hunter and Will Sampson as an Indian Chief. They are in a cave together, hunting the same killer white buffalo, when they engage in a conversation about truth. Bronson, known to the Indians as "the shooter" because he is a skilled hunter, has his version of the truth and the Chief has his. The Chief asks - "Tell me Shooter, what is the true truth?" Let me ask you - Do you really want to know the "true truth"?



As we go about our interaction with each other, the "white lie" is employed more than any other form of communication with those closest to us. We are more apt to shade the truth in order to avoid hurt feelings or, when we know a person really well, we tell a white lie because we think they really don't want the true truth. We believe we know the white-lie-version they want to hear.

However, when we deal with strangers, telling a blatant lie is easy because we likely will never see them again. You need to decide if what you are lying about is worth what you will gain as opposed to the potential consequences if your lie is discovered should you meet that stranger again.

Lying is a personal decision. You need to be realistic with yourself because it's easy to become a compulsive liar and ruin your life. Under what circumstances are you willing to risk damaging relationships, reputation, and future opportunities. Ask yourself. Do the benefits of telling the lie outweigh the risks?

For example: A teen boy tells his parents he's going to the movies with a friend but he's really going to a concert with his girlfriend. Logically, the parents are going to ask what the movie was about and if he enjoyed it. Now, beforehand, the teen could Google a summary of what was in the movie; along with the climax so he can be ready for the questions. Such a young man may not consider the consequences if he is caught in the lie. He does not realize that his parents will be emotionally hurt by his lie and will take a long time before ever trusting him again. His lie has destroyed the parent-child relationship for a long time to come.

Telemarketing has taught us that it's relatively easy to lie to someone over the phone because the sense of personal connection is very small. You can't see them; they can't see you. As a result, you are less likely to feel guilty. But, if you were facing the person physically, you would have a greater personal connection. Consequently, you would be more likely to reveal, with visual clues, that you are engaging in deceptive behavior and, perhaps, less likely to lie.

The same reasoning applies to being close to a person psychologically. If you try to lie to your girlfriend or boyfriend, there are numerous psychological pressures.

For example, you'll think about what happens if you get caught. You will feel guilty about lying to someone you care about and it will be more difficult to focus on mimicking your normal behavior. This phenomenon is often called "liars? remorse," and it's usually what people are talking about when they say a liar "wants to get caught." Those closest to us know when we are blatantly lying and when we are shading the truth a bit with a white lie.

Most strangers will not have a clue if you are an accomplished liar. It takes years, by the way, to develop a liar's mentality.

An amateur liar will not look you right in the eye when lying. They may touch their head with their hand, or hold their palms up as they spin the lie. These are both giveaways.

An accomplished liar does the opposite. They look you in the eye, their hands at their side. An amateur liar will use the strongest adjectives and a voice level that are above normal pitch and speed. A friend of mine says - "I can tell when someone's lying. They talk faster than I can listen."

Most professionals employ specific tactics to catch liars. The cops will make small talk with you to establish what your "normal" behaviors are. When they get down to the serious subject matter, they look for cracks in that normal behavior. Polygraph machines work the same way. There are mental and physical drives that can be detected by skilled interviewers, as well as machines.

Is the person you're talking to very fidgety? You often see kids do this when they're telling a tale. That's a sign that someone may be lying.

A person speaking the truth is not concerned about whether you misunderstand them; they are always willing to clarify. The liar wants to be sure you understand their point immediately so that he can change the subject and no further questions will be asked. When the evidence is fragile, the words they use often become bold and solid to manipulate you.

Some people may be better "lie detectors" than others, better able to distinguish a lie by facial expression, cadence of speech, and other methods. According to David J. Lieberman PhD, these methods of detection are used by skilled interviewers and can be learned. Some methods of questioning may be more likely to elicit the truth - "when was the last time you smoked marijuana?" is more likely to get a truthful answer than - "do you smoke pot?". Asking the question most likely to get the information you want is a skill and can be learned. Avoiding vague questioning will help avoid lies of omission or vagueness.

If it sounds too good to be true or if someone says they never lie, they are usually among the worst of the liars.

There are two kinds of devious people you will come across: Liars and hypocrites. It's the hypocrites who will deceive you more often. When trying to gauge a persons honesty, propose a solution that you know is too difficult to attain. If they tell you this is difficult or not doable they are likely being honest, if they agree to do the impossible and never even acknowledge the task as hard, you can assume they will lie to achieve their ends.

This is why it is good to ask the same questions in a phone interview as you would in a face-to-face and also a good reason for multiple interviews. If you feel someone is lying make sure that the other interviewers ask the same questions around the area you are worried about.

A good memory helps when spotting a liar. You will notice that different stories do not tie up. For example, a new boyfriend may refer to cheating on an ex but later deny ever admitting it. Look for time-lines to spot a liar. Their stories will contradict.

Also rely on your instinct, if you are not paranoid and do not have trust issues. A liar will usually make you feel insecure for some unknown reason.

Liars tend to move their arms, hands, and fingers less and blink less than people telling the truth do, and liars' voices can become more tense or high-pitched.

The extra effort needed to remember what they've already said and to keep their stories consistent may cause liars to restrain their movements and fill their speech with pauses. Watch politicians for these speech patterns and vote accordingly!

Now you know how to get at the "True Truth".