Conflicts like these often cause people to feel desperate or powerless. However, they usually do not systematically research the most tested ways of getting partners to reconcile; instead they just shoot from the hip. Use relationship counseling and other methods that have worked in real life. Build on your motivation and start now to uncover.



Couples can experience problems because of physical or psychological problems in either person. Parent-child problems can also create turmoil. For these reasons, it can be helpful if you get help from a psychologist; psychologists can administer diagnostic tests which can get to the heart of any psychological issues which might be contributing to your relationship problems.

It is important that you and your partner stay in therapy long enough to get a meaningful benefit. Treatment can be affordable. You might be able to secure limited services through an Employee Assistance Program offered through your workplace. These services are typically free and are offered through the Human Resources Dept.

If your relationship counseling involves the treatment of mental health problems, as well, your health benefits plan will pay for all, or some of it. In this instance, seek a therapist who only requires the co-payment at each visit.

Some require that you pay the entire fee, only to be reimbursed later based on the amount your insurance company eventually pays. This is not the standard of practice in the era of managed care; pay only the co-pay. Your therapist should wait for the balance of the payment through the insurance company.

Testing is considered part of an assessment of the status of your relationship- the first stage of counseling. Your relationship counselor evaluates your communication patterns, built-in biases and stereotypes, problem-solving skills and the levels of empathy that are demonstrated.

Communication and discipline problems with your or your partners children are very common and can make your relationship problems even worse. Divorce and going from one relationship to the next also creates difficulties. Most likely, however, you and your partner are the central problem because of poor communication, continuous conflict, alienation or even sexual problems.

Problems like these often lead to adjustment issues. Since your relationship with your partner is central to the problem, it may be necessary to change its underlying communication pattern. A professional counselor often provides couple or relationship therapy to address these issues as well as to help couples improve their problem-solving skills. Sometimes multiple problems exist such as, jealousy, plus poorly managed anger etc.

The second stage of treatment is the goal-setting stage. At this stage, the counselor and partners specify the behavioral changes they want in the relationship. These can include increases in empathy, the use of negotiation, the demonstration of positive reinforcement and appreciation and the more frequent use of forgiveness.

The last stage of counseling is implementation. This stage includes the development of a plan of action to get you and your partner from where you are to where you WANT to be. Several counseling approaches may be necessary, including interpersonal and empathy training, modification of your thinking processes and role playing and role reversal. The therapist may ask you to use diaries, logs, charts, graphs etc to practice the new behavioral skills in your everyday lives.

Does the counselor ever see one partner separately from the other? Only infrequently, will a psychologist provide individual counseling to one partner and simultaneously treat the couple. However, one exception is treatment related to anger management problems which will often include individual sessions with one partner or the other to impart anger management skills.

However, these individual sessions would be designed to help with anger management issues only. While it is possible to provide individual psychotherapy to two partners separately, psychologists evaluate its appropriateness on a per case basis.

Psychologists who provide relationship or marriage counseling often have received specialized training in relationship counseling theory and in marital therapy. When you contact a psychologist for relationship or marriage counseling, do not hesitate to ask about his/her training in marriage and couple therapy techniques.