Its tough a plain human being to comprehend how another being can live only relaxed in his own skin when he is putting on the act to be someone else. There are very, very few big screen stars who achieve this mental state. They are special human beings who, like Heath Ledger, took only a few years to reap the appreciation of his older colleagues in the homeland of movies, Hollywood.



At merely 28, I remember seeing Heath Ledger in Home and Away, one of Australia's long-living soap operas. He was a great deal younger than I, so it was not one of those teenage puppy-love circumstances, but I recalled his face at once when he rolled up as a guest on Parkinson, one of the UK's principal chat shows. The interview brought up Heath's step forward in Hollywood. After his stopover in London, he was catching a flight into Los Angeles. He had just been invited to perform in a film in Hollywood. Unfamiliar with that young man's story, I remember thinking, "right on, mate! You're moving places!". I remember feeling delighted for him, maybe even more so as I saw the withdrawn young man cruise slowly through the interview with only a few, quiet phrases, as if it were throbbing. I felt for him and it was rather uncomfortable to sense his distress under those stage lights. I didn't have to know him to see he was not comfortable. The twitches. The hand covering the mouth as he spoke. The endless doodling with his imaginary fringe.

People are comparing him with the likes of Marlon Brando. I don't remember him much. I do recall seeing a few Brando interviews, and the sense of dislike in being interviewed was crystal clear. I did not however denote any shyness in Mr Brando. I guess its easiest to just bag all the ones who are not easily understood in one single bunch. Brando was not forthcoming. Health Ledger was not forthcoming. Maybe de Niro, or Pacino are not that forthcoming in interviews either. Do they have to be? That's a whole new question that deserves its own page. But the fact is, fans demand it that actors tell them all about their lives - what they buy, where the shop, who they sleep with.

Blogs and sites ooze with delicious gossip. Gossip is needed to fill the gaps because so many actors are not forthcoming. Forums abound with fantasies from adoring fans who protect their chosen actor as if he belonged to her. It makes strange reading. It is awkward, at times downright frightening, to read how far the fantasies of some of these fans go. So, maybe it is not that difficult to understand how the one under the spotlight might feel threatened by the intrusion.

Heath Ledger seemed different. He just wanted to act. He didn't want everything else - the fans, the screaming, the adulation, the flashes, the fake friends...he just wanted to act. Its probably not that he simply enjoyed acting other people's lives. There may have been a touch of sweet fantasy in the prospect of living someone else's life temporarily. But maybe he was tormented by his own shyness, and had difficulty letting others accept him as he was. Its called self-esteem.

I tend to judged the most respected performers in the world are the biggest pretenders given their skillthe ease they have to convince the spectators believe they are who and what they describe on the big screen. I guess I was in the wrong. Heath Ledger was a stupendous young actor who looked like he was unconditionally true on camera. He clearly showed he despised to be there on central stage, under the public eye. Because all he wanted was to act. Not to be the focus of attention.