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Man Made Global Warming

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Some celebrity singer was recently quoted as saying that in order to save more trees we ought to limit ourselves with just one sheet of toilet paper for every visit to the bathroom. That is with the lone exception being up to three sheets for those really messy deals. Bear in mind that she is now claiming to have been joking at that time. Was it said with tongue in cheeks humor? Whether or not she was joking is up for debate. However, it must be noted that she is a blond and a celebrity with a cause. All I know for sure is that she might notice a major decline in autograph requests due to her statement.



Now where you might see someone saying something completely stupid I see an opportunity for more profit than that highly theatrical Inconvenient Truth joke bonanza. That is because we are all a little too late to start our own Carbon Offset companies. No, that ship has set sail. Yet we can take advantage of this toilet paper mandate by way of a new series of offset ideas. No, I am not talking about having toilet paper monitors doling out single sheets in all public restrooms. Especially when you think about what they will constantly be asked, Are you the guy who gives a sheet? Now that job would really, really stink.

No what I hope for is that they make it a law! I hope they invent yet another government agency directed solely at wiping away toilet paper waste. Because where there is a law there is going to be people who are made to back-up these laws. Granted, though the toilet paper abuse law may stink, it will open up my new offset company for awesome profits.

How about offsets for those people who just cannot seem to put their finger on the single sheet concept. I mean seriously, one sliver of toilet paper might not be all that it is cracked up to be. It might be too hard to sit with but, and that is a big but; there will doubtlessly be those who cheat on their sheets. Those will be the people who we will target for our new offset concept. If they just cannot seem to make ends meet with their single toilet paper sheets then they can pay our new company to plant more oxygen producing trees for them. We will call these Methane Offsets! Yes, with Methane Offsets they can use all the toilet paper they want and we will wipe away their wasteful guilt for them.

With methane offsets these people can put their toilet paper abuse behind them. Because we will plant trees for the right price which in turn will offset their methane expulsions with brand new trees. Really, it will be a gas! Speaking of methane gas, all of the thousands of Mexican restaurants can also make money selling our methane offsets to their customers as well. Shoot, we will even pay them a commission on all chili related Methane Offset sales. Hey, we can figure out a ton of ways to pile it on with toilet paper abuse.

You know as I think about it, I could sell Methane Offsets to farmers and ranchers too. It should not matter what kind of animal they raise because each and every single animal has got to expulse methane in either gaseous of solid form. I will be there standing behind them all the way with my Methane Offset Oh yes! Well at least I will be behind all those who do not raise pigs. Those guys will probably be banned from raising pigs soon enough due to the racial hate laws that protect all religions other than Christianity. However, that is another matter that smells pretty bad.

As one last bottom line item about toilet paper abuse, celebrities will not have to worry about people asking for their fingerprint stains instead of autographs. No, with our methane offsets celebrities can once again enjoy refusing to sign autographs. Till they start paying us for their own personal methane footprint, autograph signing could be a sticky subject
Man Made Global Warming
About the only truth pertaining to Man Made Global Warming is that there are many people across the world making tons of money by perpetrating a junk science hoax. Just as in the previous Nuclear Winter scare of the 80s, there is no basis for the fears that are being manipulated by those who are profiteering from this absurd science. Worse yet is that if one calls a Global Warming Alarmist (GWA) out on their claims then they will get the patented answer of, the debate is over.

I think not. One has to have a debate before the issues can be resolved. Yet the GWAs will not debate their evidence because they have none. If there is evidence anywhere to prove Man Made Global Warming as fact it has yet to be supported by reputable men of science. Therefore, the best recourse for these GWA profiteers is to claim that a debate which proved their claims has actually occurred. That brings to mind the following famous quote:

"Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it." - Adolph Hitler

I will attempt to prove the absurdity of blaming man for the acceleration of Global Warming by first providing some basic botany facts and then a couple of visualizations which anyone can do at home. Bear in mind, these examples are for visualizing how small man actually is on this planet.

Through normal Photosynthesis, algae and cyanobacterium in marine environments provide about 70% of the free oxygen produced on earth. The remainder of Earth's overabundant oxygen is produced by plants like trees, shrubbery, grasses, flowers, et al. In fact just three average sized trees can provide one person with enough oxygen for their entire life. Now imagine how many trees there are on Earth.

For the first graphic experiment one needs to agree that there are 300 million people living in the United States. Now what we will do is to multiply that number by three feet in length per every man, woman and child. The three feet is what we will say is the average width of each of the 300 million people, from shoulder to shoulder. That leaves us with a line of 300 million people stretching shoulder to shoulder for 900 million feet in length.

The entire 50 United States has 12,383 miles of coastline and 7,458 miles of International Boundaries with Mexico and Canada. Which means the little thin outline on a map of the continental USA, complete with an insert of Hawaii and Alaska stretches 19,841 miles in length. Multiply these miles by 5,280 feet and the length of the USA outline stretches out to 104.8 million feet.

Now all we have to do is to figure out how many times we can run our line of 900 million "people feet" around the boundaries and coasts of the United States map. Through dividing the 900 million in people feet by the 104.8 million in USA outline we will get a total of 8.6 rows of people stretching around the entire USA map and inserts. Now if each person is averaged out at being two feet in depth then our rows would become 17.2 feet deep by 104.8 million feet long. At that thickness this line would not even be visible from low earth orbit!

Now look at the entire United States. One can see nothing but green and blue with a few sprinkles of beige for deserts. All of this green and blue and a small portion of beige produce oxygen. That is the entire oxygen producing ground cover of the United States. The CO2 emitting lines of people are not even visible at all. So how can one say that man is affecting the land?

For the second graphic experiment all we need to do is multiply 300 million people by six square feet (their footprint). That is an allocation of three feet by two feet for every single person in the USA. This results in approximately 1.8 billion square feet of people. Divide this by the total square feet of a square mile (27.9 million) and you will get an area of 64.6 square miles. That is actually a smaller area than Reno, Nevada! Which compared to a USA map would be like throwing a golf ball out onto a football field. The grass of the field would produce oxygen while the golf ball would represent the 300 million people producing CO2. Still think man can affect the earth?

To account for emissions from factories, transportation and animals, let us get crazy and just toss a volley ball out onto the football field instead of the golf ball. Even then, there is plenty of green on the field producing an overabundance of life sustaining oxygen.
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