Yet just when you most want someone to listen, these sources may be the least helpful. Friends will be kind. They have the best intentions. But unless they have been in the game, they will have you dunking shots in the other team's basket.



I had that experience myself. As a career changing college professor, I looked for new opportunities outside academia. My friends were eager to help. They suggested I consider academic jobs in Guam, Australia and Saudi Arabia. None of them had been to these places. After awhile I realized they were really projecting their own secret fantasies of moving from snowy midwestern cities to exotic locales.

More often friends perpetuate career myths that "everybody knows." For example:

"Why hire a career coach? If someone's not happy in a job, he should talk to his supervisor," argued a friend I will call Herb. Herb has remained in the same field for thirty-five years without a twinge of regret. He has never been unhappy so he doesn't realize that talking to your supervisor is probably the very worst step you can take.

"Career choice? Easy! Just think of whatever you would rather do than eat." When it comes to premium mocha fudge ice cream with almonds, I'm afraid there's no contest.

"Want to move? If you're not happy where you are, you wont be happy anywhere." This old chestnut should have been buried ages ago. While some people really are looking for a geographic cure, others really are misplaced in a culture where they'll never be accepted. Some people bloom where they are planted but others blossom only after they're picked up and moved to a whole new pot.

"Start a business? You need a capital." Actually, you need a hungry market, but that's probably another article. .

In her book, Working Identity, Herminia Ibarra warns that real job-changers move outside their comfortable, familiar networks. Your friends, colleagues, bosses and recruiters will encourage you to stay in the same game, when you may already have moved on and you are still learning the new rules.

During a major transition, some mid-life professionals actually move to a different part of the country, where they don't have to explain their new identities. Most important, they will be forced to talk to strangers and learn from experts. Often they hire career professionals to serve as knowledgeable, unbiased resource who knows the big picture and the unwritten rules. And hiring an outsider has saved more than one job, friendship and/or personal relationship.