This past week I was presenting my Core Democratic Values program at a school in Detroit. There is a part in the program where I pick twelve students to help me to demonstrate the first three articles of the Constitution. The last young lady I asked up was sitting in the middle of the second row. She was so excited that I picked her she jumped up from her seat. As she was trying to walk over to the center aisle three boys grabbed her pant leg and tried to trip her. She caught her balance and gave all three of those boys a stare that would scare a bear. The boys giggling faces quickly turned to fear. They bowed their heads down as if they were being scold by the principal.



The best thing we can teach our students and children is that we don't have to say anything to get the point across. In a great book entitled Bully-Proofing Your School the authors talk about "getting the meaning without words" (P.67) It's all about body language. If we are giving the bully firm eye contact we can effectively send out a non-verbal message that clearly means "KNOCK IT OFF!".

"Most powerful is he who has himself in his own power" Seneca

I am sure you have held a conversation with another person who is unable to look you in the eyes when talking or listening to you. My wife and I were discussing this article and she mentioned how some people even close their eyes when they talk. Eye contact demonstrates self-confidence and self-esteem. Dan Olweus author of Bullying at School and one of the Godfathers of anti-bullying issues writes," the typical victims are more anxious and insecure than students in general." Eye contact in my opinion is one of the best ways to demonstrate security and self-control. It an easy non-violent assertive tools available to the victims of a bully. As a professional speaker, I have been taught to give eye contact to my audience but not to exceed more than three to five seconds so they don't feel intimidated. Think about when you were caught doing something you weren't supposed to be doing. Remember how your teacher or parent looked you directly in the eyes and how scary it was not knowing what she was going to do next.

"What lies in our power to do, it lies in our power not to do." Aristotle

How can you teach your child or students to use eye contact to peacefully combat a bully problem or conflict situation? By giving them eye contact when talking or listening. By explaining and practicing with them till they feel comfortable implementing it and understand how and when is the best time to use it.

Activities

1) Have two students sit face-to-face staring at one another. Make it a game by telling them that first person to move their eyes away or laughs at the other person looses the game.

2) Have a student face the class and you face them holding a pencil. Move the pencil up and down, left and right and then to your nose so they are looking you in the eyes. When they look you in the eyes ask them some simple questions like: What is your name? What do you like to do? Who is your hero?