Do you find yourself stressed because you feel you have to keep proving to others (and yourself) that you are a good husband, wife, employee, boss, friend, parent, etc.? If you are, help is on the way! You no longer need to struggle with performance anxiety. By the way, you are not alone. This is a very common problem.



For example, Phillip came for a counseling session because he was suffering from a high level of stress that was affecting his health, job, and relationships with his loved ones. His doctor put him on high blood pressure medication and he often had severe indigestion. Insomnia was a common occurrence and he looked exhausted. His wife was feeling rejected because he was usually too tired to be physically intimate. Phillip's children were also suffering because they felt he was not there for them.

To begin helping him with the HART (Holistic And Rapid Transformation) process, I asked Phillip to close his eyes and take a few deep breaths. Once he was more relaxed, I asked him to say the words, "I am stressed because ___ " and finish the sentence. The 42-year-old production manager replied, "I am stressed because I have to keep proving myself to everyone." I asked Phillip to say, "Because ___ " and complete the sentence. "Because I am not good enough," he replied. Now that we identified the cause of his problem, I then said, "Allow yourself to go back to the time you made that decision and be there now. Where are you? What is happening?"

Phillip recalled a time when he was 5 years old. He was sitting on his bed and crying because he was sent to his room without supper. Little Phillip was trying to help his sister with a school project, and he accidentally broke it. His parents yelled at him and called him clumsy and stupid. The little boy felt terrible.

From that moment on Phillip was afraid to make a mistake again, and he decided that he had to do everything just right or he would be hurt and rejected. I guided Phillip to imagine that he was burning away the scene with a laser beam, and to take two deep breaths. Then I suggested that he create the scene exactly as he wanted it to be.

Phillip imagined himself making the same mistake, and this time his parents bent down to his level, hugged him, and reassured him that he was okay. They all sat down at the dinner table and enjoyed their evening meal. Phillip immediately took a deep breath of relief and decided from that experience that he was good enough, and it is okay to make mistakes. I suggested to him that he just focus on demonstrating his skills, confidence, and love.

The following week, Phillip reported that he felt so much better. His wife and children noticed the difference and were able to enjoy the loving husband and father. He even started to enjoy his job and the people he worked with. With a smile on his face he told me, he had put the magical words on a piece of paper in his desk drawer, "Phillip you are more than good enough. Just demonstrate who you really are!"

When you feel okay even when you make mistakes you can relax and just do your best. We make mistakes to learn from them. Stress is only negative thinking. You can let go of trying to prove yourself and focus on demonstrating your love and skills. The truth is that you are good enough no matter what anyone says or does, and whatever you do or say.