Even if other family members are healthy, they often become burdened by the situation specially when they begin to assume the duties and responsibilities of the person in pain. They begin to neglect their own concerns, like spending time with their friends and other diversions, due to lack of energy and fatigue.



Unrelieved pain combined with constant stress and fatigue may result in highly volatile situations where tempers could easily fly. When expenses rise and family incomes shrink people start to fret over how to make ends meet resulting in the decline of intimacy even among the most loving couples. Over time, relationship suffers due to burdens that continue to become worse.

Doctors treating their pain patients rarely consider family members who, according to some studies, may be undergoing depression up to four times more than the patients themselves. However, there is much that family and friends can do to help improve the situation. They should understand that chronic pain is not an individual problem. They should let the suffering patient know that they are in it together and will fight it together. It should not be taken personally when the person going through pain is moody and irritable.

Learn more about the condition and learn how to better deal with it. While there are types of pain that may be difficult or impossible to eliminate, these conditions can still be reduced or minimized. Twenty-five percent of the calls were from family members looking for help. Just like the person in pain, family members are just as isolated, controlled, frustrated, guilt-ridden and confused by chronic pain.

It is vital to recognize and acknowledge the feelings of guilt for not being able to relieve the distress of your loved ones. It may be out of anxiety about financial problems or a disappointment caused by the reactions of other people who lack an understanding of chronic pain. It usually happens at a time when you most need the understanding and support of others.

When patients with chronic pain begin to withdraw affection and sexual intimacy, resentment is the most common reaction. The unending care required by the patient, the need to add the patient's responsibilities to your own, and the decline or loss of a social life and time spent with your friends may breed resentment on your part. It's like abandoning an enjoyable lifestyle or your plans for the future.

Such overwhelming feeling may cause you to act in emotionally destructive ways. It could turn you into a nervous wreck even worse than the patient in pain. The best thing is to learn to accept the situation and find more ways to cope with it.

Since chronic pain robs patients of some of their physical abilities and force them to be cared for by others, their tendency is to feel worthless and guilty over their lack of contribution to the family's welfare. Make sure these patients remain involved in family plans and activities, household chores, discussions, and decisions to avoid feeling out of place and useless. Involving the patient in light chores such as setting the table, making phone calls or handling finances can boost a patient's self-esteem.

Maintain open lines of communication. Always inquire what the patient might like to discuss with you or do with you. Be honest in expressing that you also get tired and need to rest but do not rise to the bait when the patient is critical or lashes at you despite all you do. You may be the only person with whom the patient feels safe to express anxiety and depression. The patient has a right and responsibility to express fear, disappointment, guilt, and bad feelings about the behavior of some people, as well as gratitude for the help you and others provide.