I've been looking recently to buy a new house. There is a house that I saw up in the hills that needs a lot of work. I could buy it for a certain price, put a certain amount of money into it, and at the end I could probably have a couple of hundred thousand dollars worth of equity. I can have that big payoff, right? I could sell it if I wanted to. Or I could live in it if I wanted to.



But here's the bottom line: I don't want the house! I don't like the street that it is on. So even though I could make money on it – there would be a big payoff attached to it – I don't want it.

Why is it that everything we do in life has to have a big payoff at the end?

When you buy a piece of property, you never buy the land you love; you buy the one that has the best resale value. You want to live in a place that you love, but we're trained to choose the option that is going to give us the biggest payoff.

Life has to give us the big payoff in every facet. If you buy a stock, yes, there should be a big payoff to your investment. If you buy a house, you want to buy the right house in the right neighborhood at the right price.

But what happened to the time when home ownership was just home ownership – living in a place to increase your quality of life? Coming home to a neighborhood that you love? Having friends over to a place that you were proud of? Hanging artwork on the wall in a place that felt like home?

Why does everything now have to have such a huge payoff at the end?

When you approach someone that you're attracted to, you're no longer present in the moment – you're just thinking about whether or not they like you and if you can get the phone number.

I know so many men who approach a woman and instead of just talking to her and getting to know her, they spend the whole time just thinking about whether or not she is interested in him. From the second they approach her, all they think about is how they can get the phone number – they are focused only on the payoff.

Rather than approaching someone and just having a great conversation, they are worried about the payoff the entire time. They worry about if the other person likes them, they worry if they are going to connect with them, they worry about when they should ask for the phone number, and they are never actually present in the conversation!

Meanwhile, they haven't even taken the time out to think about if they are genuinely interested in this person or not! The whole point of approaching someone has become the payoff – not to find out if you connect and have chemistry and want to get to know the person further. Figuring out whether you are interested in this person or not should be the payoff.

You have to start learning that often times the quality of life is more rewarding than the big payoff. The payoff – the outcome – is going to happen naturally.

If you're 100% present in a conversation with someone and enjoying the experience – guess what is going to happen? You'll get the payoff that you were worried about in the first place! You'll get the phone number; you will go out on a date and find out whether or not you're interesting in them.

But if you are so obsessed with the end result during the conversation then you will never intrigue the person or be able to get to know them. You'll just be nervous and your energy will convey that.

Stop worrying about what the future holds in life. Stop worrying about the future payoff and just stay present. The more present you are the better decisions you'll make and the richer your life will be.