OK, let's not waste time. When women leave, they're pretty much gone. Getting one to come back is not an easy piece of business. We're not even going to begin talking about how you lost her in the first place or if you should be bothered with a woman who left. We're going to assume that for, whatever reason, you've made the decision to exert the energy. That's it.

There are entire books and video series dedicated to this topic, so this article is for a specific situation, but the principals are essentially useful in many other scenarios. This effective note was used with a woman I met from an internet dating site. We weren't deeply involved, but she had ?closed down? and told me to take a hike. The more attractive the woman the more prone they tend to banishing men for small infractions. That's not always the case, it's just one of many reasons. But I was sure I could still have a future with the woman, so I composed an email that brought her back in 2 hours. And I'm very specific about using the word ?composed.? Because every single word and punctuation was specifically chosen to have a good outcome.

Having said that; I'm coming from a place of sincerity. My feeling is that tricks or cons might be effective, but there is a cost. To both parties. So I took all my personal skill AND I did some reading to refresh myself and refine my tactics. I skimmed 3 books. How to Win Friends and Influence People Carnegie, Get Anyone to do Anything by Lieberman and You Can Save a Relationship by Pemo. Now I'll admit those book titles don't SEEM like staples of sincere communication, but the how you choose to use a thing is up to you.

So below is the note I wrote and under each of the three paragraphs are my comments and explanations indicated by my initials and these brackets [DR-like this]. To start, the note had to be short, it had to look spontaneous. You must NOT look like you're pouring your heart out.

LETTER

None of my mail was from you this week. So I guess you were actually serious! Well, I hope you wont let my error in judgment sour your outlook on online dating. You mentioned once you hadn't been deeply happy in a while and I hope I was able to make the experience (mostly) positive for you and that you don't give up searching. I enjoy it and have met some cool people and hope you do too. [DR-I let a week go by. Too much time and they move on, too soon is obviously a bad choice. I subtly convey that others are getting in touch with me and that I just happen to notice nothing from her. And then I basically say goodbye and good luck. Next I focus on HER needs, she wants happiness and I remind her that WE were getting her there. I close out this section not by wishing her luck with a new man but ?people? and a reminder that I'm out there being social with folks].

I screwed up, and misinterpreted our banter but wanted you to know that bringing unhappy feelings into your life is literally the opposite of what I wanted to do for you-and people's feeling are very important to me. Sometimes I assume too much. I see a strong woman and I forget that emotions are a more delicate, and I'll feel bad if I knew I upset you. [DR-Now I take my lumps. Admitting you're responsible is NOT the same as apologizing. You have to be very careful when apologizing with women as a single man. If you seem too weak things can go downhill. But you notice I also compliment a non-physical feature she has].

I think you bring a lot to the table with your loyalty, honesty and strength. Those were the qualities I hoped to build from (although a little more forgiveness wouldn't kill ya!) It's in my nature to correct my wrong turns, so I wanted to shoot you this message. Of, course if you were just trying to send a message that I put my foot in my mouth-I got it! [DR-Point out her good attributes you recognize without fawning. I also show I wanted ?us? to do the relationship together-but past tense of course. A little humor to show I'm cool with it ending. Then I imply things might be repairable, and the message was off the cuff. And I close with a face-saving way for her to come back].

So as I said, this situation is specific but the strategy is essentially far ranging.