What is the best way to handle difficult behavior in children? What is the best method of child discipline? What are the most successful parenting ideas. The opinions are endless. The expert advice is vast. The proof is scarce. Many sources of parenting advice are based on the opinions, values and observations of men who spend much of their time in offices. Although we may agree with many of these professionals, they probably have no idea what your life is really like. Most of these authors have not spent one day facing the challenges that we, as moms, face day after day, after day. I do not intend to discredit these people and their many good parenting ideas. I just want you to keep in mind, as you read from the huge stockpile of parenting advice, that the real expert is you!
Spanking is an emotional issue for most moms (and dads) and we all have strong feelings about it. I will not debate the merits or the evils of spanking here, because these arguments are usually not productive. In my experience, however, every mom, I have ever met, hates spanking her children. It is usually done, only when a mom can think of no other way to solve the problem.
That is the reason for this discussion. I am offering alternatives to spanking because it makes moms feel lousy and that is not good for you or you children. It may be helpful to know that most of the research on child discipline indicates that occasional, mild spankings are not harmful, but not helpful either. Here is list of some positive parenting ideas and alternatives to spanking, recommended by professional and other moms.
**Keep in mind that what children want most of all is their parent's attention, and they will work very hard to get it. Whatever behavior (positive or negative) gets your child the most attention (positive or negative) is the behavior that you will probably see again and again.
** Use A "Time Out" (effectively and consistently). Try these websites:
For instructions from Center For Effective Parenting http://www.parenting-ed.org/html/html/timeout.htm
For instructions from C.S. Mott Children's Hospital http://www.med.umich.edu/1libr/pa/pa_timeout1_hhg.htm
** Allow natural consequences--The child dawdles in the morning; the child is late for school. Don't rescue the child from the natural consequences, such writing an excuse note for the tardy.
** Impose logical consequences--The child makes a mess; the child must clean it up before playing, TV, etc. If your child is slow or uncooperative in the morning, impose an earlier bedtime.
The success of this techniques, requires that we, as mom's, stay strong and impose the logical consequence--no rescuing.
** You can use incentives such as tokens or fake money. The child is given tokens for positive behavior and charged tokens for negative behavior. The tokens or fake money can then be used to buy extra privileges around the house.
** Yucky behavior, yucky job. What is a job that you hate and your kids hate? This can be used as a consequence for rudeness and or unacceptable words.
** No sweets in a dirty mouth. Use this as a consequence for rude or unkind words; no dessert, cookies, etc for a day.
** If your child is irritable or in a bad mood, perhaps no discipline is in order. Sometimes just listening and giving your child the chance to express his feelings is all that is needed.
You may want to check out one of these books for parenting ideas to see if it fits with your particular "mom style".
** Parenting with Love and Logic, by Foster W. Cline and Jim Fay
** Discipline Without Shouting or Spanking, by Jerry Wyckoff and Barbara C. Unell
** 1-2-3 Magic, by Thomas W. Phelan
** Children: The Challenge, by Rudolph Dreikurs. Written in the 1960's, it is classic, regarded by many as one of the best parenting books available. A few of his ideas are probably outdated, but it is highly recommended by most people who have read it.
Remember that you know your child and your family better than anyone else does. You know what type of environment will best nurture you children.
Triple P Positive Parenting
I am the mother of a 6-year-old so I know full well how wild children become when caught up in the full Christmas frenzy. There is the never-ending list of "I want" items from catalogs, television commercials, and random store spottings. There is the sneaking around to find hidden gifts or fondle those already wrapped under the tree. There is the high spirits and wild behavior that come from increased sugar intake on top of the excitement of the season. While I can forgive a certain amount of high jinks, I also do not want my child to forget the reason for the season. Here are four ways I remind my child of the true meaning of Christmas.
Of course Christmas is about presents. That is the true reason why children are so wild. They know the countdown is coming for a big haul of gifts and it is very difficult to avoid this commercial aspect even if you choose to do so. Even when my husband and I make a conscious decision to be restrained there are still grandparents, aunts, cousins, and friends who conspire to deliver everything a boy can dream of possessing. I do not wish to deprive my child of that magical Christmas morning frenzy of shredding wrapping paper, but I do want to make sure he remembers that Christmas is about giving -- not receiving. This means I make sure he is a part of the gift selection process as well as purchase and wrapping. In addition, he also makes a number of gifts and cards for those people important to him. He enjoys this creative aspect as well as making a more meaningful gift that will be cherished much more than a store bought gift by his grandparents and other special people. Any way you can channel although that pre-holiday energy into a positive action is always a bonus too.
Another aspect of reminding my child that Christmas is about giving is also to share with those less fortunate. We go through toys and clothes before Christmas and take a good haul to Goodwill. Obviously it offers the selfish benefit of making way for the new presents, but if an outgrown bicycle can make another child's Christmas a little brighter than that can only make the situation a win-win for everyone. We also participated in several giving projects through school, scouts, church and other organizations.
Last, and certainly not least, as a Christian family we take part in many events to celebrate this most important part of the Christian calendar. My son and I both sing in choirs that put on Christmas concerts. Our entire family supported several efforts to help those in need from putting together shoebox gift boxes to ship overseas to the Joy offering that support specific church missions to the local coats for kids project as well as bringing food for the local food pantry. We also lit the Advent candle during a recent church service which was very special. We always attend church and Sunday School so will definitely attend the Christmas Eve candlelight service which is one of my personal favorites. Our church family hosts several holiday parties as well to make the season even brighter including appreciation dinners for the choirs, a birthday party for Jesus, and decorating the church. These are all great ways to have fun and celebrate together without the commercial aspects.
If you embrace even a few of these tips then you will not only remind your child of the true meaning of Christmas but you will also help make the holiday season a little brighter for others as well. Both benefits also give you the added bonus of adding to your store of holiday cheer.
Both Linda Rolufs, Mft & Deanna Mascle are contributors for EditorialToday. The above articles have been edited for relevancy and timeliness. All write-ups, reviews, tips and guides published by EditorialToday.com and its partners or affiliates are for informational purposes only. They should not be used for any legal or any other type of advice. We do not endorse any author, contributor, writer or article posted by our team.
Linda Rolufs, Mft has sinced written about articles on various topics from Parenting, Depression Cure and Parenting. Linda Rolufs is the mother of five children and a practicing Marriage and Family Therapist. Visit her website - AMothersMinute.com - a place that celebrates the experi. Linda Rolufs, Mft's top article generates over 27100 views. Bookmark Linda Rolufs, Mft to your Favourites.
