You know the guy you share the house with -- your renter, your brother, your twenty five year old cousin who can't seem to support himself.



Well, your roommate is a smoking gun.

When your Russian fianc? gets to America, she is going to take over the house. It's her house now. That's the way Russian women are raised.

That couch potato, laying on the sofa in front of the ever present football game, surrounded by dirty socks and empty pizza boxes is public enemy number one in the mind of your fianc?.

Even if his personal habits are not that reprehensible, he will still be in the way. She is trying to organize the house in her fashion and his idiosyncrasies don't fit into her plan.

From his standpoint, she's just a big pain in the rear. He didn't ask her to come. He's comfortable in his lifestyle. His life may be in a rut, but he has moved in and furnished it to his satisfaction.

You have learned to tolerate him over time. The two of you have developed a peaceful co-existence that allows you to live together.

But now there's a new sheriff in town.

Your fianc? has just gotten out the can of pesticide and is fumigating the place for parasites. And the biggest pest is the one with his butt cheeks pressed against the seat cushions of the sofa right in the middle of the house. He's hard to ignore.

Your roommate will probably fight back. He will say things to undermine your fianc?. Your fianc? will eventually tell you ?either he goes or I go? and she will mean it. You are in the middle and you feel like the victim.

You're not. It's all your fault. Get rid of your roommate before she arrives.

I know all the arguments. He helps with the rent. He's depending on you. He's like a (brother, son, fill in the blank) to you. You'll have to work overtime to make up the difference in rent money. You may even have to get another job.

I don't care. Get rid of the roommate. Which do you want more a wife or a roommate?

If you said roommate, then why did you bring your fianc? to America in the first place?

Get this through your head. It's not your house any more. It's her house. She's the one who is going to turn your house into a home. That includes fumigating all the pests out of the house.

Your roommate is not innocent either. He has the same attitude as a rat living in an abandoned house. The rat thinks he has as much right to live in your house as you do.

Do you think the rat thinks it's fair that you chase him out of the house? Of course not. Neither will your roommate. If you and he are smart, he will be gone before your fianc? gets there.

If not, he will be gone shortly after she gets there, or she will be gone.

It's Her House Now:

I didn't have a roommate. I had just moved into my house several months before I went to bring my fianc? to America. There were unopened boxes filling up the spare bedroom.

When my fianc? came to my house, she wanted all the boxes emptied and the items in them put away. In my way of thinking, this was a project that I would get around to periodically over the next three years.

I told her the best way for me to tackle the project was to keep the boxes under my nose so I would be aware of them, and gradually, get around to taking care of ?processing them.?

My fianc? was having none of it. She wanted the boxes out NOW.

We had a huge, knock down drag out fight about the boxes. Finally, I moved them out into the garage where they sit two years later, for the most part, unopened.

Truce. An armistice was signed.

My now wife keeps the house in immaculate condition. She likes to do the same with my office. I told her my office is ?my territory? ? that the rest of the house is ?hers? to do with as she wishes. My wife insists on cleaning my office when I'm not around.

Electrical plugs to the computer and other office equipment are frequently accidentally pulled out and in disarray. Files are piled up rather than in the perfect place where I ?knew exactly where they were.? But there is no dust in my office. No dirt. No pests.

Today we have found a middle point where we meet. But the real truth is that the house is her territory and I am only a welcome visitor in it.

As my wife likes to say to me when she greets me at the door with a kiss, ?You are welcome at home, my darling.?