In previous articles I described an overview of the representational systems of communication: visual, auditory and kinesthetic, and the benefit of knowing what these systems are as they relate to rapport. In another article, I went into more detail about the visual aspect and here we are dealing with kinesthetic language, the feeling words that people use.

In our quest to gain rapport we continue to build upon our ability to learn how people construct their realities and how they interact with reality. Kinesthetic people interact through touch and feel.

How do you know this about a person? Like right up front, how will you be able to tell a kinesthetic person right off the bat? Well, they tend to grasp for the way in which they describe things and reach for the words to make things concrete for you. They are natural at mirroring behavior oftentimes walking in step with you or bending when you bend, or blinking when you blink. They stick with things, wanting to touch them, grasping hold of them to get a sense of their texture. They may be born touchers--massage therapists or sculptors. They will even touch their own arms or legs and may rub it as they speak. This is the way in which they are getting in touch with how they feel about what is happening around them.

A good example of a kinesthetic person is Bill Clinton. Remember his famous (infamous) quote, "I feel your pain"? That is a prime example of kinesthetic language.

In contrast to a visual person who speaks quickly, staccato even, and an auditory person who may speak sing songy (or in a flat monotone), the kinesthetic person will speak much slower as they struggle to put into words what they are thinking.

Kinesthetic people obviously use kinesthetic words. These cover the tactile sense of feeling-hot, cold, firm, a firm touch, vibration-as well as the emotional sense of feeling-love, happiness, joy, anger.

Another way to determine if someone is kinesthetic is to notice how close they are to you. If they can reach out and touch you, odds are, they're kinesthetic. They love to be hugged, don't ever shirk away from physical touch, and have no problem with you being in their space because they're not creating pictures like visually oriented people are.

That's another major difference between the three groups that will help you to identify them. One of the biggest ways though, for me, is that they, struggle . . . for their words. . .

Whereas visually oriented people look up, auditory people look side to side, kinesthetic people generally look down.

As a side note, I read an article not long ago about a junior high school student in Virginia who had been cited for school infractions for hugging his friend. Outlawing physical contact, his school board has implemented a 'no physical contact' policy. No touching of any sort--no handshakes, no pats on the head, no hand holding, no high fives.

When I first read the story I thought, what a strange policy. As I delved deeper, I realized what a horrible disservice is being done to kinesthetic kids throughout that school district. Obviously, harmful touch is wrong and should be off limits, and I understand that boundaries need to be clear, but no physical contact seems like a bad road to start traveling down.

Coming soon: Auditory Adventures.