After years of working on weddings, there is one character that I have come to pity: the mother of the groom. Most of the attention at weddings, aside from that given to the couple, is placed on the mother and father of the bride. The parents of the groom are largely left out of the planning process and the wedding day seems structured to lavish attention on the bride and her family: her mother helps her to get dressed, her father walks her down the aisle and everyone recognizes the bittersweet nature of the day for the parents of the bride. While the day is just as bittersweet for the parents of the groom, their participation is typically limited to a cameo during the processional. For my part, I have made it a priority to arrange time prior to the ceremony for the parents of the groom to spend a few quiet moments with the groom. But I've also taken to strongly encouraging brides to forge a relationship with the mother of the groom during the planning process.



Brides, imagine for a moment how your future mother in law must be feeling. She has tirelessly and selflessly worked to ensure that her son was taken care of and has watched him grow into the man that he is today. And now she must give him over to the new lady in his life. Her feelings about your groom are as strong as your mother's feelings about you. This is also a person, like it or not, with whom you will have a lifelong relationship. So why not start the bonding process by allowing her to participate in your wedding planning? Granted, there are experiences that you might want to share exclusively with your mother, but there are several ways to include your mother in law as well.

Have a Moms Luncheon

Soon after your engagement, reach out to your mother in law and ask her to join you for lunch. If you'd like, you can also invite your mom to this meeting as well. This is the opportunity for her to get to know you outside of your relationship with her son. Tell her that you would like for her to be involved in the planning as much as possible. This sets in place a positive foundation on which you can build throughout the planning process.

Keep her in the loop about your plans

Be sure to include your future mother in law in your wedding related emails and/or newsletters and ask for her input on wedding details (i.e., bridesmaid dresses, flowers, vendors, etc.)

Invite her to vendor meetings

As previously stated, there may be moments that you wish to share alone with your mom, most notably your dress fittings, but there are also several places where your future mother in law can assist. Invite her to important meetings such as the tasting with the caterer, the walk through of the venue, and meetings with the florist. During the meetings, make a special effort to ask her what she's thinking about your plans.

Allow her to assist in planning the bridal shower and rehearsal dinner

Of course, you will not be involved in planning your bridal shower, but you should mention your desire to include your mother in law in the planning to your maid of honor or designated planner. Traditionally, the groom's parents are in charge of the rehearsal dinner however, many couples are now taking on this responsibility themselves. If this is the case, be sure to ask for input from your mother in law and definitely give her the chance to have words at the dinner.

Keep in touch after the wedding

After the wedding is over, you should continue building your relationship with your mother in law. Don't limit your interaction with her to times when your husband is involved. Take the initiative to call, visit and hang out with her on a regular basis.

Like any relationship, your relationship with your mother in law will take some work, but it is certainly worth it in the end. A great mother in law can be a good friend, shopping partner and someday, the perfect babysitter!