Thinking about a failed relationship is never easy. There are so many things that you would have done and said differently when you stop to think about your what went wrong. It is important, however, to realise that it is possible to move on from the failures of the past and to maximise the possibilty of getting back with your ex (if you are sure that it is indeed what you want to do).

In my humble opinion the best way to attempt a reconciliation is to make sure that your initial steps are the right ones and not just based on panic or the latest fads. So what are the recommended intitial step(s)? Well, if I may misquote Socrates: The unexamined relationship is not worth reviving! If you are in a position where a relationship broke up it is obvious that something went seriously wrong. It may seem obvious that the first step in putting things right should be to make a honest assessment of what exactly went wrong and how a repeat performance can be avoided, sadly many people neglect this very basic step and merely concentrate on finding a kind of 'magic bullet' solution that will make things better in the future.

I would like to encourage you, in light of the above, to do the following exercise before you take another step:

1) Clear a morning or an afternoon in your diary

2) Find a quiet place where you are certain that you will not be disturbed.

3) Sit down with a piece of paper and write down the answers to the following questions:

* What attracted me to my ex? (This can also be phrased as: "Why exactly do I want him/her back")

* What factors caused our relationship when to work well? (When it did)

* What factors caused tension in our relationship?

* What caused the second set of factors to carry more weight than the first?

* Was the eventual breakdown a drawn out process or was it caused by a sudden crisis?

* What were the exact dynamics of the breakdown and were there specific instances where a different approach may have prevented it?

I can appreciate that this is not an easy, or even uplifting, exercise. It can however, equip you with the necessary insight to approach the 'project' of getting back together with your ex in a measured, informed and well prepared way. If you have done this you can set off down the road to recovery with the sure knowledge that you will are much better placed to 'start over' with solid insight of where things went wrong in the past.