If you're of a particular age, Alanis Morisette wrote the definitive album about being burned in a relationship a decade ago with Jagged Little Pill. Maybe it's playing on your CD player right now, as you read this, or you've got the MP3 playing on infinite loop as you mull over how to get your boyfriend backor maybe you're sitting there wondering how to get your ex boyfriend back (or get back at him)



OK - we've set the scene. Now it's time to shatter expectations. Going through a breakup is very much like grieving - there are notable stages, like denial, and anger and all that jazz. And you're probably wondering what went wrong, or you're mulling it over, and playing things over and over again in your head.

Well, stop it. You deserve better than that. If you're obsessing about getting him back, we've got news for you. It ain't gonna happen. He dumped your sorry butt for a reason, and being mopey about it isn't going to fix the problem. For that matter, trying to make him pity you is the single best way to make sure that he leaves your life, at high speed, and never ever looks back.

If you want to have a fate of something better than some ex he thinks about while shaking his head, thinking "What the hell did I see in her?", read on. Otherwise, just do what you're doing, and become one of those girls who never goes out anymore, got it?

Now, there's a time for introspection. But this isn't it - you want your ex to wonder how you're doing because he isn't hearing from you. You want him to check in on you of his own volition - and when he does, you want to be fun and energetic, so that he's reminded of what he's missing out on.

Your strategy should be based on human nature. If you're smothering him, he'll run away. If you're interesting, he'll come back. So make yourself interesting and get on with your life.

You're working with human nature - being a clingy sponge is going to drive any man worth having away - think about it in reverse. If he were moping around and listless because you broke up with him, you'd think he was annoying as all get out. Same here - don't be annoying at him. Get on with your life, grow a spine and let him come back on his own. (Or, alternatively, use this as the time to learn your lessons about relationships, and move on to something better.)

Who knows, maybe with a bit of time to see who you are without the filter of the breakup, his interest will rekindle. Or maybe you'll decide he wasn't worth all that mess anyway - and you'll have learned something about yourself. Either way, keep yourself grounded, focused on the things that make your life fun with nobody else in it and hang out with your buddies. And stop asking "What can I do to get my ex boyfriend back". Oh, and you can put that annoying Alanis Morisette CD back on the rack. It's served it's purpose.